Want less flame? Write less of it.
If you really want to send an heated email or write a flaming comment or a blog post about an issue that is important to you, just write it, but do not send it. Do something else. Come back after 3-4 hours. Reread what you have written. Erase the post. If you still feel that you must say something about it, then write something new, wait an hour, reread and send it, but only if you are 100% happy with it. That should decrease the flamingness of the message considerably.
I had to do just that yesterday when several people reacted quite harshly to my blog post about a Flash app with breast animation. It's not like there is something wrong in womens breasts and it's not like I put the picture in my post - I only posted a link. I also gave a very detailed description of what exactly was at the end of that link. One would also had to navigate a few menus to get to the breasts themselves. So it is not like I pushed it into readers face. You had to want to see that to get it. And in fact, I was adoring the wireframe that they used to get the video simulation much more then the finished textured version.
I do not like the trend that Debian is shifting to the American Way &tm; in tolerance - intolerating the people you think are intolerant. That is so like the USA fighting terrorism by terrorizing anyone who looks like terrorist to them or could be helping them. That is not the right way! If you want to promote tolerance, be tolerant yourself - don't troll the troll, also do not just ignore the troll - listen to the troll and try to understand what his actual point is, without flaming back about how his personal opinions are intolerant. Even a troll has a point! Most probably you just missed it obsessing about something else he said.